You know what there aren’t enough of? Tournament movies. These days, movies only have one dude against another dude; or worse, one dude against his self-confidence, and instead of ripping self-confidence’s throat out and winning a kickass trophy, he just sorta tries his best at the piano recital and gets a hug from his mom. Noooo! I want tournaments. The ones with a giant bracket and a professional emcee and those early-round generic competitors, like the psychotic and possibly flamboyantly gay guy, the morbidly obese guy who has no business being in any sort of tournament that doesn’t involve pie, and the one guy who kills another guy just to let the hero know that this shit just got real. Dammit, now I want this movie to exist.
OH WAIT, BUT IT DOES. It’s called Bloodsport, and it stars Jean-Claude Van Damme and it is amazing! In fact, the only thing that would make it more amazing is if some dudes used their voices to make the movie funny. OH SHIT, SON! THAT EXISTS, TOO!
Mac and David of Mascot Wedding are joining with Master Pancake Wednesday, April 7th, for a ONE NIGHT ONLY mocking of Bloodsport. We’ve only done this show one other time, so this doesn’t come around very often. Buy your tickets now and come enjoy a special screening of the movie where there are no rules… except for three rules. And they’re not very good ones, either, because “don’t kill” isn’t one of the rules. It wouldn’t be such a big deal either if there wasn’t that one dickhead who took advantage of the loophole.
Showtimes and tickets at OriginalAlamo.com
