You know how you love going to the movies? And remember how you used to love playing with toys? Well, imagine if something out there could somehow manage to ruin both experiences for you. Surely science and simple human good would never allow such a thing to exist. Or, even if it did exist, surely it would be buried where no one would ever see it, like the 5 dollar bin at Wal-Mart or the darkest recesses of your soul.
But it exists. And it made Michael Bay bulletproof. And Shia LeBeouf a star. And Megan Fox relevant. And it made more money than you can count in three lifetimes. Christ, I’m sad just typing that.
Wipe your tears, lovers of all that is good, and get ready for the ultimate payback! Starting January 29th, Mascot Wedding will be joining forces with Master Pancake Theater to annihilate the loudest and dumbest movie of all time: Transformers. Now is your chance to actually sit back and enjoy this stupid thing while the best mockers in the business point all the plotholes and cringeworthy moments that made you physically angry the first time. Get your tickets while you can, because once these shows are over we’re dropping our DVD copies in the deepest part of the ocean.
Showtimes and tickets at OriginalAlamo.com
April, 2008. Man, those were the days. Fox Television made us feel foolish for thinking we could dance. A young man named Barack packed everything he owned into an old detergent box and started a journey that began in his homeland of Kenya and led him all the way to the White House. And Master Pancake Theater teamed up with Mac and David of Mascot Wedding to mock the 1982 classic E.T. What? You don’t remember?? You missed it?! Jesus. I don’t… it’s just that… you sicken me. There, I said it.
But guess what? Now’s your chance to totally redeem yourself. Mascot Wedding and Master Pancake are together again! And we’re bringing E.T. back to life, so that we may kill him with insults for your entertainment dollar! That’s right — this month we’re doing an encore performance of our killer E.T. show for THREE WEEKENDS ONLY. After that, it’s gone faster than your childlike sense of wonder when you found out E.T. wasn’t real. So get your tickets now while you still can, and come watch us eviscerate your favorite cuddly alien/Spielberg movie/wrinkly ball-sac puppet.
Showtimes and tickets at OriginalAlamo.com
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Do you love freedom but have a crippling fear of fireworks? Are you allergic to barbecue? Did you settle out of court with your local public pool because of that unfortunate “shirtless discrimination” case? Then we have just the thing for your 4th of July holiday!
This weekend only (July 3rd-5th), Mac Blake and David Jara of Mascot Wedding will be joining Master Pancake Theater in the obliteration of the 1996 classic(?) Independence Day at the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz. This is an encore presentation of the sold-out show they did this time last year, so if you missed it last time then thank whatever god you pray to that it’s back. And if you saw it last time, don’t let that stop you from grabbing some friends and coming out for what is sure to be one the funniest shows of the year.
We cannot stress this enough: this show is running for ONE WEEKEND ONLY. Get your tickets while you can, because it’s only a matter of time before actual aliens come and destroy us all. Then you’re really gonna feel like shit for missing this show.
Tickets available at the Alamo Drafthouse web site
UPDATE Both shows Friday (7/3) have already sold out. That only leaves you THREE chances to see this show. Hurry, damn you!
REMINDER: Because of these shows there will be no Mascot Wedding show this week on KOOP. When describing how this makes you feel it’s okay to use the word “devastated”.
